The Funny One
Every group has one. At The Red Herring, we’ve culled them together and created a monster. We are, collectively, The Funny One.
To break it down SAT-styles:
The Red Herring: McGill-sanctioned publications :: My buddy Michael, man, he’s fucking hilarious : Your group of friends.
Now, The Funny One (hereafter referred to as Teefo) is a social position often looked upon with admiration by other members of the group (e.g. the Hot One, the Smart One, the Fat One, the One No One Really Likes, etc.), but I’m here to tell you that it’s no cake walk. A Teefo must obscure their personal faults, protect their status in the group, and constantly perform mundane funny-making tasks to keep their title.
Every funny person you will ever meet is making up for some deep-seated flaw. Editor David Groves, for instance, had to develop a shield against people mocking his tall, thin earnestness. Editor Blake Gregory had to defend that sleazy necklace he always wears. I am actually too good looking and therefore have to be funny to put people at ease. Jim Carrey had an abusive and sad childhood and is now dating “actress/model” Jenny McCarthy. Everyone’s making up for something, and it’s imperative that the Teefo camouflages their inherent insecurity in a smug blanket of hyperbole and deflection. And that blanket, friends, is The Funny.
This may make you think of The Red Herring as some bastion of good-humoured hilarity, much as McGill is a beacon to Torontonian private school graduates. Well, yes and no. Red Herring meetings, as every other instance where Teefos collect, are some of the most brutally pragmatic assemblies ever held. You may be confused - why is the funny not exponential? Why aren’t we the most raucous group in Gert’s, spilling our beer while performing sweeping pantomimes and spitting Pythonesque witticisms? I’ll tell you why: because Teefos are judgemental and used to being singled out for their skill. In a group of Teefos, everyone is trying their best to hilariously one-up the next guy. The best rejoinder. Why that other girl’s joke sucked, and how to skewer her for it. How their timing’s going. If that hottie in the corner is vibing to it. In the name of social stability, silence and repressed guffaws abound at all Teefo meetings - inadvertent or planned.
Accidental Teefo encounters are like confrontations between angry mountain goats. “Oh, Tracy, you have to meet my friend Patrick, you’ll love him! He’s funny, just like you!”
CLANG.
That’s the bell and the gloves are up.
Once Patrick or Tracy manages to make the other stop telling jokes and laugh, the true Teefo has been crowned and the pugilists go back to their corners. The loser may attempt a rematch, but usually to no great effect. The hierarchy has been set. This exchange will happen at a gathering as many times as a Teefo is challenged, until every Teefo in the situation has secured a rank.
The Teefo has many duties to fulfill within its social group, such as friendly deprecation, othering, movie commentating, and birthday-card making. These responsibilities can only be relegated to other friends (most often The Nice One) when the Teefo is extremely busy. Remember that completely unfunny birthday card you got with the balloons on it that said “Happy birthday, we love you and you’re awesome!”? Yep. Teefo was busy that week. Remember when your friend Allison said “Move it, Fatass!” during The Nutty Professor, and no one laughed? That hurt, Allison. I was really busy that week, but I could have handled that one myself.
In summary, your Teefo may be lame, or smarmy, or unkempt, or even brutally, brutally ugly. (Ed. Note: Remember ex-Herring editor Ezra)? But love them anyway, for they guard their position as YOUR Teefo like the bitchy, well-coiffed assistant on every lipstick-and-powersuit sitcom you’ve ever seen. And who knows, they might even lay off the skank jokes next time you tell them the story of how you slept with that skater guy with the Phillies tattoo on his only marginally defined abdomen.
- Zoe Daniels
The Red Herring
vol. XIX no. 5
- Digg It!
- Posted on May 14th, 2008
- Articles, Zoe Daniels
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