The Red Herring

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Have Arts Degree, Will Grovel

Reply to: job-563238888@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-02-04, 10:33PM EST
writer needed.
I need a writer to write a short story about me driving in a lamborghini with the top down eating tons of food, with a hot naked girl. if you are interested, please send me a short sample of your writing. please write a couple paragraphs about me driving [...]

The Red Herring Person of the Month: “Jethro” (Real Name Withheld)

Greetings, dear reader, and welcome to another whimsical edition of the Red Herring’s Great Person of the Month series. This month, our person is somewhat of an enigma: a teenage boy who was recently apprehended for an attempted plane hijacking. Certainly fucked up enough to merit Person of the Month status, but it was his [...]

Olympics Win Gold Medal for Sucking

The Olympics are back with only a few more months to go until the 2008 Summer Games in Beijing and Hong Kong. And man, I couldn’t care less about anything else.
I hate everything about the Olympics, from the pompous theme music to the endless advertising of products claiming to be the “official” Olympic snack [...]

Steve Jobs: A Closer Look at the Man Behind the Turtleneck

Steve Jobs, the co-founder and CEO of Apple, has spearheaded a company that has produced a significant amount of today’s most influential technology. iPods, iTunes, and iPhones have each revolutionized our lives in a fundamental way. A tumultuous torrent of creativity, there must be more to Steve Jobs than the black turtleneck that he can’t [...]

The Ghost in the Machine: Monkeys, Spam, and My Small Jang

It’s been said that, given enough time, infinite monkeys hammering away at infinite typewriters could produce the entirety of the works of William Shakespeare. This has nothing to do with the intelligence of the monkeys, but was originally meant as a statement of probability: eventually, crammed into that garbled mess of random letters and punctuation, [...]

How To Get An Internet Boyfriend: A Guide From A Seasoned Professional

THE TOOLS
• MSN (global), AIM (American), YahooChat (lame, who has this?), or similar
• 1337 to English dictionary
• 90+ wpm typing skills
• One (1) headshot from the only angle you look good at (probably taken from above), with your arm cropped out (in .jpg format)
• A lot of time, preferably no real boyfriend
• Cats [...]

The iStick

It seems that everywhere I go these days, there is a technologically obsessed fan-boy shoving a Wired magazine in my face like he just discovered the Rosetta stone. Their eyes sparkle and gleam with joy as they describe progressively thinner LCD TVs and labour-saving mechanisms. “I can’t wait,” they scream in glee as they marvel [...]

Lazers: Not Just For Killing Aliens Anymore

Laser. You’d think it would be spelt with a ‘Z’, but it’s actually an ‘S’. It should totally be a ‘Z’ though, so for the rest of this article, I will spell it as such. I remember when I fi rst laid eyes on a key-chain lazer pointer. It should have been a great day [...]

Matt’s Travelogue: VERMONT

Did you know that Vermont’s original state constitution had a clause inviting Canada to join them at any time? If you are Canadian, you probably did, given how many times we’ve considered it. I think it is time to again consider this generous offer. Generally, I think we’ve been afraid to ask [...]

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