The Red Herring

Subscribe to our RSS feed!

How to Get Paid to Nap

During my 3 and a half months working construction, I realized some things about how to slack off effectively. For example, most mornings I would start by contemplating quitting, then first break would roll around and I would stuff my belly with sandwiches and blueberries. After this banquet I would be bloated and narcoleptic, [...]

My Parents Said to Get a Real Job

Pretty much everybody that I have talked to in the last week had the best summer EVER. They learned six languages while volunteering for the UN in Botswana, rescued four hundred prisoners from an Iraqi prison, and ended hunger in the Congo by planting magical fucking beanstalks. Then they flew around the world and [...]

Interviewing a Telemarketer

Who are these people that call during dinnertime? Telemarketers; they are modern bogeymen. Some say that they possess no physical form, but are mere shadows of long forgotten psyches trapped in our telecommunications network. Well, the Red Herring plans to uncover the truth. Follow me into this world of intrigue and phone sex as I [...]

Dear William Shakespeare: Fuck Off

Years ago, there existed a bald, fairly unattractive, English man named William Shakespeare. Currently, most know him simply as the scribe responsible for penning the basic plot to such groundbreaking films as Romeo Must Die, High School Musical, and Ten Things I Hate about You. However, he also (apparently) wrote some other stuff. One [...]

Government: Lame or Lascivious?

When I announced to my pals that this summer I was going to do my civic duty and collect 12 dollars an hour making photocopies for the Government of Canada, the reception was less than effusive.  Most young people head for the hills when they hear the words “due diligence” and “redundancies”.  I was warned [...]

Ways to Avoid Awful Summer-Related Conversations

1. Get a job at American Apparel. Chances are you’ll become a total douche bag and none of your friends will want to see you, let alone talk to you about your lame American Apparel friends.
2. Just keep seeing The Dark Knight over and over and over again. Trust me; no one will want to [...]