The Red Herring

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Sherlock HOLMZ

Sherlock Holmes is cool. This is a statement that is absolutely undeniable. If you look up the word “contumacious,” “recalcitrant,” or “badass” in the dictionary, you will see a picture of Sherlock Holmes. You will also promptly be smacked in the head by a cane belonging to a very pissed off Sherlock Holmes, looking at [...]

Halloween Adventures at McGill

So it has come at last. The sun is setting earlier, and almost rising in symphony with my haggard head and body. The trees, a week ago flaming enticing reds and yellows, have turned bony and black as though signalling the end of hope and vitality. All the while, midterms have swept [...]

Stallone: The Lesser Works

Tango and Cash (1989)
The Sly: Raymond ‘Ray’ Tango, a well-read, bespectacled Beverly Hills detective with a hot sister and a conspicuously absent sex drive.
The Plot: When detectives Tango and Cash (Kurt Russell, the loose cannon to Stallone’s uptight prick) brush up against criminal kingpin/rodent fetishist Yves Perret, he somehow gets them thrown in the slammer, [...]

Leave It To Beaver

The National Animal is the representative of its nation. In our case, I refer to the Beaver, which has managed to earn this distinction despite its bad attitude towards wood and it presence on the unnecessary five-cent piece. Frankly, I think we could do a lot better; perhaps an animal that actually does something beyond [...]

Jim Martin Hates the Media: Beverly Hills Chihuahua

Coming straight from Hollywood’s asshole into your eyes is this fall’s Beverly Hills Chihuahua. The film, a sequel to the classic Beverly Hills Ninja, is seemingly geared towards Mid-western housewives and other mentally challenged individuals, and appears to possess no artistic merit whatsoever. As a disclaimer I have not seen nor do I ever intend [...]

A Pants Manifesto

A spectre is haunting me. It is the spectre of pants. Listen carefully and you’ll hear the roar of the everywoman and you’ll know by the sound of her grunts that she’s trying to do up her pants. For each woman who’s asked if these pants make her ass look fat, for each man [...]